After chipping away at this blog for some years now [I know, mindfuck right?] some of its showcased musings and ramblings start to blend into one. These posts that take on the shape and form of a sort of essay, teasing apart and exploring a particular theme or concept that’s tuggin at my brain on any given week, start to amalgamate and I can’t remember which ones said what or if I even hit “publish” on certain ones. So, profound apologies if you read today’s and think “Woman! You told us this already” – I forgot and it still feels poignant so haters gonna hate and writers gonna write.
So, taking up space …
At any given time, on any given day, in any given moment, you are taking up space. Taking up, occupying, fulfilling, residing within – you are the only being within THAT exact space, in that exact time. Physically we can fill our spaces. For myself, right now, I’m taking up space on the couch in the living room with the afternoon sun streaming in the window behind my back. No one else is here. I’m occupying the space, solo. Energetically we can take up space. We can enter a room with brimming enthusiasm and positivity, asserting a little bit of an energetic shift when we are welcomed in. We take up space with our bodies, space with our minds, space with our hearts …
But what if you’re taking up the wrong space? What if you’re in someone’s spot?
This concept sort of stuck me when I was asked a question that got me thinking about my past relationship. A good relationship but one in which, in hindsight, I don’t believe we were meant to be. And I think both of us, if we were truly honest with ourselves, would attest to that and would share that we knew it for a while. But despite this inner knowing, an inkling and a pull, we continued to occupy space. To fulfil the roles we thought were ours, to live in the house we thought was intended for us, to take up a particular space in place and time.
Maybe staying in a situation [romantic relationship, job, home, role, friendship etc] despite your better judgments and, more powerfully and persuasively, your intuition – isn’t just doing yourself and the person/s involved a disservice. By occupying space, taking up a unique and unreplicable role or physical construct, you may be blocking the way for the person who was destined to fill it.
I’m stepping out of the relationship analogy, because I feel that’s an obvious one. We are perhaps doing errybody involved a disservice by taking up a place that was intended for someone else. So often we look at how our choices affect US. Naturally, we are somewhat selfish or self serving [to shed those negative associations with the word selfish] and evaluate our options and subsequent decisions based on their direct impacts//benefits//consequences on our lives. But a way of assisting you in making a decision – to leave that job, to part from the relationship, to move and relocate – challenge yourself to see it from an entirely different perspective. Try to see it from the perspective of the person who was intended for that space OR from the perspective of others who will be impacted when you move into the space that is TRULY intended for you.
Another personal example – because I’m feeling super sharey today – but this time around work. The nature of my job means that I work closely with clients and families to support their goals and learning. I get pretty bloody close with them all, and so deeply invested in their journey and their gains, and this is both the biggest blessing and biggest challenge of the job. It’s challenging because if I even entertain the thought of pursuing a career change, or a locational shift, or a bit of a shake up in any way that changes the way I work with these clients – I soon become wracked with guilt and anxiety. But here’s the thing. I challenged myself to flip this and see it from another perspective. Let’s imagine that I was offered an incredible job opportunity interstate or overseas [because I’m fabulous, obvs] but am freakin’ out about the whole vacating my current role deal. What if I shifted focus to the clients that would be waiting for me at the hospital in Melbourne; or the students that I could teach at university in Barcelona; or the photographer who I could collaborate with and launch an insanely successful social justice campaign if I chased a role in writing and story telling …
Whatever it is that I or you are pursuing, flip your perspective to instead entertain the idea that your inaction or your indecisiveness is a decision in itself. It’s a decision to occupy space that may be intended for someone else, and potentially a decision to leave vacant a space that only YOU can fill. It could be the job you were meant to do, the soul mate you were destined to meet, the children you were divinely curated to bear, the place you were meant to be … your ignoring the pull of your heart could be allowing a unique you-shaped space to stay wide open and waiting, albeit patiently, for you to step up and step in. Don’t look at your decisions to change your circumstances to be solely influential in your own life, but instead start to consider that your choices have a ripple effect that extend far beyond just you.
So wherever you are – in space and time, metaphorically or literally, physically or energetically – simply be there. Own that space. Fill every nook and cranny with all o’ you in the way that only you can. Get deeply honest and in tune with yourself – and love yourself enough to step away from that well worn space [like the imprinted corner cushion on your favourite sun bed] and back the fug away. Allow yourself to step away from what doesn’t serve you, and trust that the person who IS destined to fill that space will follow their own internal compass to find it and set up residence and YOU too will find your way to your own little haven.
Blessings and you-shaped nooks x