Waiting for inspiration to hit can be a risky little process. On one hand it guarantees that when I do in fact write, that it’s genuine and authentic and somewhat relative and useful; but on the flip side it usually means there is a pretty significant delay in posts. Let’s address the elephant in the room guys, it’s been a while since key pounding so apologies for those of you waiting with bated breath [i.e. sorry mum].
Writing sort of allows me to process and explore my world – typically if it’s not happening in my writing, it hasn’t really been mulled over too much in my mind. Whereas as of late, the opposite has been true. I haven’t been writing because the brain has been chewing over things, asking questions, sharing answers, enquiring, reading, learning – all of the input pathways right? So today’s post is a sort of interjection into the thoughts and topics that have been fascinating me lately and how I can better know them through amping up the output pathways.
Recent musing numero uno – Relationships. This has been a-burning for sometime to get some ‘air time’ and to be unraveled within my crazy BTM musings. My idea of the nature, purpose and intent of relationships has shifted freakin’ massively over the past 6 or so months. Part due to great authors who have explored the concepts for me – Neale Donald Walsche, Ruiz, Zoe Foster – and part because of a reflection of what’s going on in my own life.
I said to my mama bear recently just how much I love dating as an adult – where your sense of self is so ripe, your knowledge of what you are looking for in another, your wants//needs, your non negotiables, your sense of what a relationship is//isn’t. This is pretty powerful stuff and massively changes the way that you sort of present yourself to and engage with someone in, as you dip your toe in the dating pool.
I use the word ‘relationships’ but perhaps a little differently than I have in the past. Like a little kid who tweaks and refines their concept of what their definition for a certain word is [at 3 a dog is anything with four legs and a tail; at 4 it woofs; at 5 you realise they can have one, two or three legs and still be a dog, but they have a snout, ears, and are generally playful …], my attributed meaning and weight to the word has expanded somewhat. Ruiz [the incredible mind who wrote The Four Agreements] freakin’ nailed it when he spoke of relationships [platonic, romantic, bowm chicka waa waa-y] in his Mastery of Love. He proposes that relationships, in their very essence, are merely an exploration of self in the mirror of another. They allow us to know and understand ourselves and our lives better in relation to another human. Mic drop, right? This doesn’t mean that the other person within the relationships [your best mate, family member, colleague, man//ladyfriend] isn’t important, because it can sound a little ‘the only person you need to focus on in a relationship is you’ kind of vibe when you read these texts that are all soul-enquiry. But it more calls us to realise that the most detrimental thing we can do within any relationship is to impose any expectations, conditions, restrictions on our little co-pilot/s and to instead be a little mirror that reflects back all that is good, and all that you see and appreciate in that other person.
We are multifaceted and complex beings, we experience erry single shade of the infinite number of emotions on the ‘feels’ spectrum, we have an insanely unique blend of thoughts, opinions, curiosities, passions, dislikes, turn ons, turn offs – and it’s near impossible [and mother flippin’ boring, in my opinion] to find people in this world who mimic this entirely. Imagine if you and the gals were cookie cutter samesies as one another – you didn’t have experiences that challenged you, or that allowed you to learn or grow or sit up a little straighter as you took it all in, or that inspired you to live a little more like them in x, y or z. It would be downright shitty, no? The same is true when you’re entering into a more romantic relationship//dyad//Bonnie and Clyde situation.
Your one job [besides, being a dynamite conversationalist and domestic God//Goddess obvs] is to show up and to just ‘do you’. Allow some wiggle room for compromise, be supportive and curious in your integration into their lives, keep mirroring back their epicness – but ultimately, do you. If you show up with authenticity, respect for all parties involved [Usually two, but hey no judgment. I’m looking at you King Henry the 8th with all yo’ wives], honourable intentions for the other person’s heart [and heads, Henry], and honesty//transparency with your feels and experiences along the way – you’ll be golden. There’s such magic and power in conscious relationships and mindfully engaging with your peeps – the proof for me is in the Emily pudding where over the past few years every single one of my relationships with loved ones, new friends, old friends, fellas, ladies, professional ties etc have contributed to such a sense of connection [like, deep AF connection], fun, happiness and palpable love and adoration for the people in my life.
And to end with a Ruiz reference, because let’s face it – he’s the bomb diggity, I wanted to share with you the analogy that he presents of the Magic Kitchen. Imagine if you have this kitchen in your house, your dream kitchen [feat. scullery], that could at any one time allow you to make ANYTHING that you desired. Want burritos? Boom. Pasta? Ciao carbs. Kale? Thank you very much kitchen who knows my inner most desires and wants. Literally anything that you can conceptualise, you can have. You can have people over, and share this incredible food with loved ones, or you can dine solo and enjoy your smorgasbord. You’re cooking up a feast, when all of a sudden a dude rocks up at your door and offers you a pizza, in exchange for controlling your every move and thought for the rest of your life. You slam the door in his face right? Mate, I can make an epic plant based pizza myself thank you. But now, imagine that instead you’re living on the streets. Unsure of when your next meal will come, unsure where you’ll sleep that night, or if you’ll even make it through the night. This guy approaches you again, and offers you the same deal. A warm, cheesy, filling meal for a tummy that hasn’t had much love in days. You are more tempted to make the swap hey? I’m sure you can pick where I’m leading with this. We each, Ruiz suggests, have this epic kitchen within us – it’s our self fulfilling ability to love, experience and share. If our love for ourselves is depleted or non existent, we crave it and go looking for it elsewhere, in other people who can give us even just a taste. We impose the expectation that someone external of us can make us happy, or can ‘feed’ us. When really, when your pumping out dish after dish in your kitchen of wonders, you can invite ole pizza mate in to share some of yours and maybe you find out this guy is pretty decent [although let’s be honest, he sounds like a massssssive dick].
Be sure to amp up the magic in your own kitchen, keep making your life so damn rich with joy [and kale] that if someone does cross your path who adds even more happy//lols//heart to you’re already pretty lovely life – you’ll gladly invite them in for nachos.
Blessings and magical kitchens x
Image sourced from here