I don’t know if it’s the moon, the stars, the time of year or just my own journey but I can tell you something for nothing – it has been like an EPIPHANY-PALOOZA over at Emily HQ. Razor sharp and crystal clear waves of insight, reassurance and lessons – across all areas and themes of life. As a nerdy, eager and excitable student of life (registered in 1988 til current), I am all about soaking up EVERY SINGLE experience that this Life School has to offer. The light and the dark. And, as my epiphanies have indicated and guided me to realise, it’s typically within the darkness that we foster a greater appreciation and attraction of all things light. In today’s post I want to explore some incredibly profound concepts that have bubbled up over the past few months within the theme of Self Love and Acceptance.
I’m a pretty stereotypical girl. I like to look nice, I have days where I curse my thighs and hips, I often am plagued by thoughts of not being ‘good enough’, I feel dumb and inadequate in the company of brilliant people (who just so happen to be ALL the people in my life), I sometimes avoid mirrors for weeks at a time, I compensate for my insecurities but being EXTRA bubbly or drinking an EXTRA glass of bubbly, I want to be desirable, I want to feel confident, I want to be radiant … but before that happens, I mean, I need to first lose 10kg right?
How many of us deflect positive or affirming thoughts or comments from others about ourselves. It can be seen//heard in schools, cafes, gyms, parks, clubs, parties, shops all around the world, on any given day. The dialogue usually goes a little something like this.
X: You look nice // Oh I love your dress // You’re such a lovely person! // You are so beautiful // Oh baby, dat ass though*
You: Ugh no, I look horrible // Yuck it’s so old // Oh no I’m not, YOU are // I look like a heffer dog // … *proceeds with naughty time*
* Seen//heard in the bedroom. Hopefully.
We completely disregard these lovely things that people (willingly and spontaneously) choose to share with us. No one is forcing them to say it, no one is holding a gun to their head (HA! I just imagined a mad gunman who is just a complete advocate for complimentary interactions and uses a toy gun that shoots bubbles), no one is telling you something that they don’t genuinely believe … so why the doubt? Why do we second guess them?
ACTION STEP – For just ONE week, you and I and anyone we can (lovingly) rope in to this challenge will: Accept all compliments with love and gratitude (and trust, a big ole healthy serving of TRUST). Have a go to response ready such as ‘Thank you so much, that’s just what I needed to hear’ or ‘thank you, I feel pretty damn good at the moment’ or ‘thanks, that’s so lovely of you to say’. Oh and if someone compliments ‘dat ass’ in the boudoir – own it girl. Sub one of the aforementioned responses for something more along the lines of ‘thanks, now shut up and spank it’.
Another big ole thing that we tend to do is completely and utterly base our self worth on the opinions and responses of others. How many times have you got yourself ready for date night or a lunch with the girls – thought ‘wow, this dress looks lovely on me!’ or ‘I look pretty damn good today!’ – only to completely renege on every single one of those ‘happy thoughts’ as soon as the first person you see doesn’t affirm them. The truth is, we as humans are sadly pretty self involved. It’s not that you don’t look bangin’, everyone is probably too concerned with how THEY look to mention it. Or what you’re wearing//whatever look you’re rocking might not be their style – and that’s ok too. Give more weight and meaning and trust to your own self perceptions and keep rocking that “I’m killing it at life” attitude, without relying on others to affirm or deflate it.
ACTION STEP – For the following week after your compliment a go-go challenge, commit to giving yourself some loving words before you leave the house or as you’re getting reading. Even if you don’t believe it (just yet), repeat to yourself either out loud or silently – “Today I am beautiful”. Just for one day, look and believe that you are beautiful. And repeat this for the week. And then tell me that you don’t feel like the freakin’ minx that you are!
My last little epiphany fuelled nugget of wisdom is one that I reach out for on days when I just ain’t feeling it. You know when you’re getting ready to see friends, you have forked out decent moolah on a nice dress, you’ve done your hair and makeup or at least thought about it. And then the thoughts come ‘I don’t want to go, I look gross’, ‘what’s the point, I’m gross compared to my friends’, ‘I will be a lonely ole wench forever’. Complete nonsense but they are FEAR based thoughts (Gabrielle Bernstein discusses FEAR as an acronym of False Evidence Appearing Real – and these thoughts truly are just that, false). So here’s what I do – even when I want to hide under a blanket and never ever show my face in public again – I focus on what the experience itself, the act of leaving the house or seeing people or doing something, will bring. Do my friends love to see me because I’m a sexy mother effer? No. Well, not as far as I’m aware. They tell me that they love the way I make them feel, the fun we have, the way we laugh, the deep and meaningful conversations that we have together. It doesn’t matter what my outer shell looks like – as long as my inner essence stays constant! So focus on that, your internal flame and your essence, that never waivers or is anything less than perfection.
Blessings and big scoops of self love x