I’m going to get really real with you for a minute. I’ve always used this space, and my writing, to express myself and my experiences, to share, grow, gain perspective and, as of late, to heal. Giving physical weight to our thoughts and feelings, through the process of writing, is so incredibly cathartic and something that I have become even more grateful for this over recent months. So mind my expressive diarrhoea but I am being called//pulled to share this with you today.
If I had to choose a ‘chakra’//aspect of my life that’s been at the forefront of my earthly experiences over the past 12 months – it is, without doubt, Anahata – the heart chakra. Expansion, recoil, heaviness, lightness – I have experienced a multitude of subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) energetic shifts in this sacred heart space.
10 months ago I lost my beautiful pup in a sudden, tragic and traumatic accident. And it was. An accident. But in that time and through that experience I learnt more about the cycles of grief than I ever had before. Blame, guilt, denial, acceptance, anger, anguish … I was a fur mama, a title I relished, but one that was taken from me far too soon. With the pain that it brought, I also was blessed to experience profound realisations about the power and beauty of love and how lucky we are to have been privy to this unconditional love during her short little life. I remember in the week after she passed, I was doing yoga on the beach and chose to do Camel pose (a deep, heart opening asana) and I fainted. I came to on my mat and realised that it was a little too soon to target this vulnerable and broken area of my body. But over the coming months, my heart space would expand and strengthen and open and became capable of a deeper love that it had before.
I have had a few experiences where, usually after a post yoga induced high, I have been so present, so aware and so connected with the world around me, that I feel ‘love’ for everything. And not an ‘I love lamp’ Anchorman way, but a profound, deep, spiritual love for everything! People that I encountered, the ground below me, the colours of the sky and grass, the taste of my coffee – everything was sensuous, love soaked and beautiful. During these sensations of intense love and peace, this is where I know my smokey green heart space is lit the fug up. And I honestly believe that the depth of this love is a result of the hearts’ journey – pain included.
I have been lucky enough to explore different parts of the world over the past 10 months too. Bali, Ningaloo, Europe. Love drenched explorations. Heart space open and activated and ready to take in wondrous sites, tastes, encounters. Expansion, growth and strengthening of my love muscle (not the dirty kind).
And then, whilst on my most recent trip, we got the news that my beautiful aunty had been handed her wings. We were in shock. My chest physically ached and crumpled with the reality of the loss. When we are in situations that are challenging and upsetting – none more so than the passing of loved ones – our grief takes us each on a unique journey. I was sad, mad and confused. Sometimes all at once. I found myself questioning some pretty ingrained and long held spiritual beliefs – I asked myself constantly ‘Where is God in this situation?’ ‘is everything I believe an absolute crock?’. My heart was heavy. I questioned the meaning of life, what it means to be ‘happy’, and reflected on the preciousness of life on this earthly plane. When returning home and now able to see her beautiful earth side angels – I found that my connection with them, my love for them, had deepened immeasurably.
But it has been within the last month that the full effects and power of the heart have been truly actualised. I have swum in the depths of pain and loss and mourning. I have experienced empowered, elevated and uplifting heart energies. I’ve reflected on love, on all its subtypes, and its place and role in our lives. Love is the underlying rhythm of all that we do. We can attribute differing strengths to and of love – platonic love, romantic love, passionate love, adoring love, enjoyment love. Check out this beautiful article that discusses the types of love and their Greek word origin. Simple stunning. I have been mindful in my relationships to foster an underlying current of love and appreciation for all exactly as it is. No changing it, no ‘conditions’ on love – just pure high vibe love.
When the heart ‘breaks’ – it doesn’t break irreparably. It cracks. It fractures. It takes a punch. But with every blow it sustains, it strengthens. The cracks create an opening for more ‘light’ to enter. The openness is painful and uncomfortable but it paves the way for expansion. This is the most powerful lesson I have learnt. That every single experience, good or bad, is unfolding as it should and it’s impacts are felt only temporarily. This too shall pass.
So breathe, be present, be mindful, and open your heart.