Heads up – I’m a female. A straight female. This is the only experience and reality that I personally know. So this is where I write from. The post below talks about women and men from a very heteronormative place. I don’t mean to offend or upset anyone who identifies differently.

Ok. Carry on.

Is it just me or is feminism and ‘yas queen’ and ‘girl power’ on roids right now? I’m all for women’s self empowerment, like completely and utterly, and believe that a strong woman is capable of anything she sets her sights on. So definitely no need to tar me with that old ‘you’re setting women back hundreds of years’ brush. I love being a woman, I love supporting women, I love being surrounded by women … but, in all honesty, I kind of love men just as much.

I just felt that I had to state that, and explain myself a little, because so often being feminist and advocating for equality is seen as synonymous with man-hating.

This was brought to my attention recently when I was back home, visiting my parents, and was talking about an article that I had heard about explaining that same sex reproduction was being trialed. That is, two ova were being joined to make a little human, and no man was required. In a nutshell – we are fast figuring out a way to allow same sex couples to reproduce. Same sex female couples. From what I understood, as women carry the double X chromosomes, they can successfully create another female baby using their genetic material. This is an option, exclusively available to women. Which sucks. I believe that all same sex couples are deserving of having biological children, and this is certainly a win for my same sex sisters, but I do really feel for men in this situation. Anyway, back to the household discussion. My dad, a very intelligent man and easily one of my favourite people on the planet, pipes up quite solemnly. ‘It’s scary. All of this feminism is waging war between the sexes. It’s been getting worse and worse. It’s going to get to the point, in years down the track, that women will make sure men are obsolete’. He emphasized that this wasn’t an attack on me, that he never felt like I was pushing an agenda on him and he infact said that I was a ‘good feminist’. But he honestly seemed so perturbed by the concept, almost a little scared, that the gender he identifies with and the role he’s played for nearly 60 years will become irrelevant. And, like Carey Bradshaw, it got me to thinking.

What if it’s the stories that we, as a female collective, are telling ourselves and one another about men and their stupidity/arrogance/sameness/faults, that are perpetuating this within our reality? The whole ‘if a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?’. If a man is going about his world, and a woman never presumes that he is a dick, will he even act dickishly?

If men are constantly thinking that their every action is being judged by women, that their presence is a burden, that they are redundant, that they don’t bring anything to the table that a woman can’t do herself or find in her friends – then of course they’re going to act out or pull back or be a douche. Men want to feel appreciated (as do women), they want to feel loved (as do women), they want to feel like they’re providing for us. We all deserve love, respect and joy. These aren’t gender specific experiences.

I do believe that recent stories in our world and recent presidential elections have not painted men in the most flattering of lights. These men, and some men, are scumbags. That there’s an underlying misogyny that is at play, every single day, in our local and wider communities. But not every man subscribes to that And not every man is behaving the way we are being told they are. I do believe, totally and utterly, that something needs to change within the current culture. I don’t believe it’s right for a woman to have to be more cautious than males when out at night, that her right to a career and family and identify outside of all of these roles is compromised compared to her male partner, that women are expected to look, act, talk, think in a certain way. I don’t believe in any of that, and I will passionately explore this and fight for this in my own life with every passing day.

But not all men think in opposition to this.

I am privy to the old ‘I am woman, hear me roar’ adage. I have definitely shared memes with my girlfriends that have pertained to the concept of female superiority. But if we take a step back, and see things from the male perspective, it’s kind of messed up. “A woman without a man, is like a fish without a bicycle’ – Gloria Steinem. Can you even imagine if we were bombarded with empowering slogans shared by men that made our existence totally redundant. We would absolutely spit chips.

In all of my life choices, I consider all positions and perspectives and sides of the same coin. Because I believe in species equality, I don’t eat meat. That is, I don’t believe that the life of an animal is owed to me because I’m human. I believe in sharing this planet with compassion, kindness and without harm. I extend this same line of thinking to sex and gender. I wholeheartedly advocate for women’s rights because I’m passionate about women’s right to occupy space on this planet. We are smart, compassionate, powerful and strong. We deserve lives that exceed our wildest dreams, and deserve equal opportunity within all aspects of those lives. But making men the enemy, rather than seeing them as potential allies, is just problematic and scary. By all means, make enemies of those with a blatant disregard for equality, with those who lack understanding and respect and who are closed minded. But don’t assume that all men fit that bill.

A world without men is something we joke about in bars, over cocktails with the girls, giggling and saying that ‘oh if we were married instead, I’d write you love poems, and draw you a bath, and we’d only have sex if we both wanted to!’ cue laughter. But unless we really start to acknowledge and appreciate the men who are standing beside us and honouring our fight, then we are closer than we realise to losing them from our lives.

So here’s to the men who I have known, and those I’m yet to meet, who have been loving, respectful, patient, kind, supportive and accepting of everything I am and all that I stand for. The world needs more men like you. Stand tall and be a beacon.

Blessings and masculine hugs x

Image sourced from here