Just a heads up, you’ve been (lovingly) warned that this is a word-vomit kind of post. I’m having all of the thoughts. And all of the words are bubbling and brewing and they’re demanding to get out. So, brace yourselves, Emily is getting’ a little heavy today.

Success. It’s such a fickle thing yet it is so craved by so many of us. What defines our success? What or who determines who is successful and who isn’t? I have definitely felt pressure in the past (and now too, if I allow myself to succumb to it) to comply with society’s prerequisites of a successful life. Relationship, career, health, house, family, intelligence … I ticked the boxes and got shit done and when it kind of came a-crumblin’ and tumblin’ down, I re-evaluated and inevitably ended up challenging my entire worth. My lack of check-listed success criteria meant I was a failure right? I certainly felt like one. I held myself accountable to certain life standards, all of which are heavily influenced by age, gender, environment and surroundings – and found that I fell spectacularly short. On paper, I saw myself as being pretty unsuccessful.

Yet during this period of newly found un-success – I was ridic happy.  Like, ‘can’t wipe the smile off my face’ kind of happy. But this didn’t compute, how the eff could I be happy when statistically and analytically speaking I was kind of kooking it?! Well, because everyone defines success differently and, according to the *EmilyUrban Dictionary definition (see below), I was fucking killing it. Even if, according to the regular and often suffocatingly imposed societal definition, I was a hot mess. As soon as I re-calibrated and began living a life that was in accordance with my own terms of success, and disregarded those that I felt pressured to surrender to, life got a whole lot brighter my friends.

I think that knowing our personal definitions of what successful living looks and feels like is fundamental to our health, happiness and wellbeing. If we don’t know how we aspire to feel and live – then how the frick will we know when we get there? How will we establish our goals and aspirations and endeavours? How will we fan the flames of the fire in our belly that sees up jump out of bed in the morning? I also believe that it’s important to think about what you feel are pressured or fear based concepts of success that may be imposed on you (by people around you or even, and more often than not, by yourself either knowingly or completely subconsciously). Acknowledge these, explore these, maybe write them down and then? Throw them the eff out. Ain’t nobody gotta live your life other than YOU. You are the one at the helm, you are the one who knows your true hearts’ desire and you are the one that you ultimately have to answer to.

Let me clear something up real quick. Success is relative and it’s completely and totally individualised. Someone else’s version of success may very well be the aforementioned constructs that I personally don’t prioritise//value within my own life. And that’s ok. In fact it’s better than ok, it is true magic. These people can and will lead happy, fulfilling and over-the-moon, wildly successful lives. And I will cheers my champagne flute with theirs in genuine celebration. But the point of today’s (super frikkin’ rambly) post is that cookie cutter views of success do not always and irrefutably equal happiness. Yes, conventionally successful people can be happy, ridiculously so. But this happiness usually surmounts when the life that they live is in alignment with their own definitions of success and when their definition exists separately to any predisposed ideas or constructs of ‘successful living’ that have come from the minds, values and priorities of someone else.

I’m thoroughly enjoying dishing out homework as of late – so fellow students of a game called life – here is your latest serve of a soul searchin’ assignment. What do YOU believe ‘success’ to be? What does it look like? What does it entail? What does it require of you? How does it make you feel? Then once you’re happy with what you’ve uncovered and explored – try this one on for size – is the life you’re living now unfolding in accordance to your OWN personal views of a successful life?

* EmilyUrban Dictionary Definition of ‘A Successful Life’ :

1)  noun. The umbrella term given to describe a life that is full to the brim with purpose, connection, meaning, presence, joy and adventure. It’s suitability for use is completely unaffected by fickle concepts such as – finances, material possession, relationship status etc.

     ‘Woah, Tommy seems to be smiling a lot lately. His smile makes me SO happy!’

‘Yeah, he lives a pretty successful mother flippin’ life, doesn’t he?’

Blessings and your own brand of flavour flaved success for errybody x

Images sourced here | here